Tuesday, November 21, 2006

The Brain Trust

These are the guys that "get things done."
When they go on a "fishing expedition," they don't mess around. They go and get themselves a "mess 'o' fish."

This was taken at our first annual "Rapture Nutballs, Inc." corporate picnic. Before all these grand fellows got "carted off," we took pains to note each of their names for your edification. As if we could ever forget.

Left to right front to back:

Liggett Pylesworthy, CFO - Known worldwide as "the man with CFO after his name."

Sedgwick Samuel Sopstitch, CEO - Yes, he da man! The "Sedge Man" came to "Rupture" when little more than a boy working his way up the ladder, kicking ass and taking names as he bulled his way to the top. Now, he has taken over Johnson Von Claxton Johnson's penthouse corner office, and is said to have several more and generally much larger hats than Johnson Von Claxton Johnson ever dreamed of having. Does that Sedgwick know how to wear a topper, or what?

Luftin Toone, Legal Counsel - Small in stature but at 47 years young his "baby face" has disarmed many a courtroom foe. He goes for the jugular, often leaving the chambers dripping with lesser litigent's blood - sometimes literally. Needless to say, he's a staff favorite - "Mr. Fun's Little Son" we call him, although Johnson Von Claxton Johnson refers to Luftin as "that shifty, back stabbing little prick." Ha, ha. Oh, that Johnson Von Claxton Johnson. What'd I tell you? "Mr. Fun." "The Girls," whom you will meet below, complain that Luftin must be a foreigner because he has "Roman" hands and "Russian" fingers. (Or was it Russian hands and Rom... -oh, I don't know, it doesn't matter.) You know how hysterical the fairer sex can get. We don't pay it any mind. It's all in good fun, anyhow.

"Sailor" Tom. - (I suppose he has a last name, but I couldn't think of anything sufficiently droll.) You can just tell by Tom's hat that he's - well, he's our boaty guy. Need a boat? He's the guy.

Cardamom Twilly, Chauffeur and Obtainer of the Donuts - "Card" has a rather stern countenance and some say he lacks a sense of humor. He has a knack for sucking the air out of a room, and he knows how to "take you for a ride," if you know what I mean. And "Card" does whatever it takes to bring back "the bomb" when it comes to donuts and kick-ass crullers.

Mucuski Slobberman - (No title to speak of.) Well, "The Muc Man" just does whatever he has to in order to keep old Soppy smiling. He doesn't mix much.

Andy Joy, I.T. - Such a happy name. He spreads it everywhere. Actually, he's the only one here who knows how to make all the computery gobbledegook do anything but blink twelve o'clock. At 9, he's the youngest on staff, but he's a savvy little shit. We just keep him stuffed with Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs.

So, Liggett, Sedgwick, Luftin, "Sailor" Tom, "Card", "The Muc Man," and little Andy all say Hey! And, needless to say, they wish you a joyfully godless holiday.

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