Tuesday, May 03, 2011

And God Said: Fire, not a flood next time.

I write this in the trembling fear that all hope is lost:

Rising from my usual mid-afternoon nap, I peered out of my kitchen window just minutes ago, and there, right outside, was a strange light, an astounding and pervasive brightness. Only after some understandable hesitation I cautiously slipped out the back door and into the yard in utter, jaw dropping amazement. The "brightness" was dazzlingly reflected off the white aluminosity of our garage, and about everything else as far as the eye could see. Only areas apparently somehow sheltered from the as yet undiscovered source of luminescence remained in accustomed mottled dim & drab.

Looking up, what did I see but a firey incandescent ball of light literally hanging, or I don't know, maybe hovering - yeah, definitely hovering - in the sky well above the horizon. I was terrified! I could feel heat emanating from it. Nearly blinded, I covered my eyes and reverted my gaze downward in a desparate attempt to regain my sight. I wheeled around only to discover atop the still soddened grass at my feet what appeared to be the blackened image of my rotundity. I could only surmize it to be the ash from my incineration effected by the now hated molten orb. I sprinted back into the house despite my decrepit knees, screaming, the ash staying with me step for fearful step. As I ran I also noticed that much of the sky had taken on what I could only describe as an evil blueness in place of the usual, natural and comforting dark gray. I quickly returned to the relative safety of my basement lair yelling to my wife, Jo as I descended the stair, that she should follow me post haste, but to perhaps grab a couple of beers and a bag of chips on her way.

In my life I have heard stories of such horrors as this - of strange lights in the skies, of evil lurking in the heavens - but always dismissed them as myth, a terrible fantasy - akin to stories of Rob Schneider winning an Oscar. The world must be coming to a hellish end. What else could it be? I'm comin' home mama!